Love Languages and Loving Yourself as a Parent: A Birthday Reflection
Have you ever spent your birthday on your own? I intentionally chose to do that this year and it was bliss!
For many people, birthdays are a celebration of togetherness — a day filled with family, friends, and gifts. It’s a day where we might expect the people, we love to show us just how much we mean to them. But what happens when your celebration looks completely different?
What if the most meaningful way for you to celebrate is alone, immersed in your own company, and aligning with your own sense of joy?
This year, I celebrated my birthday on my own. And before anyone assumes that I’m lonely or that I had nobody to celebrate with, let me clarify: that couldn’t be further from the truth. I have a loving and thoughtfully romantic husband, two wonderful children, and a circle of friends who never hesitate to make me feel cherished. But this year, I decided to celebrate in a way that was deeply personal — not because I was alone, but because I wanted to honour myself in my love language: Quality Time.
"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate."
Oprah Winfrey
What is a Love Language?
If you’ve ever taken the Five Love Languages quiz, you know that there are five primary ways we give and receive love:
1. Words of Affirmation,
2. Acts of Service,
3. Receiving Gifts,
4. Physical Touch, and
5. Quality Time.
These love languages are often how we connect with others, but they can also be the key to understanding how we connect with ourselves.
Quality Time is my love language. Over the past 10 years, I’ve become more aware and accepting that the most meaningful way for me to feel loved — both by others and myself — is through the time I spend with them and with myself. It goes beyond just being physically present, it also involves being fully immersed and giving undivided attention to each other – which is such a gift in our digital age. Quality time cultivates deeper connections that leave me and hopefully my loved ones feeling secure in the love we have for each other.
The Overwhelming Message of Self-Care
The message of self-care is nothing new. As parents, especially mothers, we’ve heard it time and time again: “Take time for yourself,” “Fill your cup,” “You can’t pour from an empty vessel.”
While these sentiments are wise, the courage to actually practice them is often elusive. How many times have we been told to prioritise self-care, only to feel guilt or shame for doing so?
As mothers, we’re often conditioned to put the needs of our family ahead of our own. The needs of our children, our partners, and even the demands of work and daily life become the loudest voices in the room, drowning out the quieter, yet equally important call for self-love. It’s easy to forget that self-care isn’t just a luxury — it’s a necessity, especially if we want to be the best version of ourselves for the people we love.
So, this year, I decided to own my fullness — unapologetically. I chose to choose me, to honour myself with love, to bask in the joy of celebrating myself. And I did so with a deep sense of gratitude for myself and for my family who understood and supported me in this choice.
I deserve bliss, especially on my birthday, and I wasn’t going to wait for someone else to create that bliss for me.
"With every act of self-care your authentic self gets stronger, and the critical, fearful mind gets weaker. Every act of self-care is a powerful declaration: I am on my side, I am on my side, each day I am more and more on my own side."
Susan Weiss Berry
Curating a Day of Self-Love
On my birthday, I chose to create a day dedicated to my own needs and desires. It wasn’t about being alone or shutting myself off from my family, but about carving out intentional time for myself. I spent the morning in quiet solitude—reflecting, journaling, and simply being. I also did something I’d never done before: I wrote myself a birthday card, encouraging myself to wish big and go after my dreams in the coming year.
The most surprising thing about this day was how much it deepened my connection with my family. When I allowed myself to honour my own needs, I was more present, more open to receiving the love and affection my husband and children offered.
My husband surprised me with a family pottery class a few days before my birthday, a thoughtful gesture that combined my love for Quality Time with the joy of shared family experiences. It was a perfect blend of self-love and family love, and a reminder that both can coexist harmoniously.
Modelling Self-Love for My Children
As a parent, one of the greatest gifts I can give my children is the example of self-love. It’s not always easy to prioritise yourself when you’re constantly giving to others, but I want my children to understand that it’s okay to celebrate who you are and take time for yourself. By choosing to honour my own needs on my birthday, I was showing them that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential.
Self-love doesn’t lessen the love we have to give to others; in fact, it expands our hearts to give more love. When we fill our own cups, we’re better able to pour into those we love. It’s a powerful lesson in how to live a balanced, joyful life.
Self-Responsibility and Self-Satisfaction
The most important lesson I learned from my birthday this year was about self-responsibility and self-satisfaction. As parents, we often feel like we have to wait for others to make us feel special or validated. But the truth is, we are the creators of our own joy. When we take ownership of our happiness and make choices that align with our own needs, we stop waiting for external validation.
My birthday was a reminder that parents are worthy of self-love—not just as caretakers, but as individuals. We have the right to create the life and the moments that bring us joy, without feeling guilty for doing so.
Basking in Post Birthday Reflections
Self-love, especially in the language that speaks to you most, is one of the most powerful acts of self-care. I didn’t need anyone else to create the magic—I was the creator. So, next time your birthday (or any day) comes around, ask yourself: How can I show love to myself in the language that feels most true to me? And remember, self-love isn’t just for the big moments. It’s about honouring your needs every day.
Your self-worth is not dependent on anyone else. So, take the time to love yourself in the way you most deeply need—and don’t wait for others to create the magic. You have the power to do it yourself.
"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and then go and do that. because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
Howard Thurman
Discover Your Love Language
To understand yourself and your children better, try this simple and fun activity to explore everyone’s love languages:
- Choose a family member—this could be your partner, child, or even yourself.
- List what you think their love language is in order of priority, from 1 (most important) to 5 (least important). You can do this for each person in the family.
- Once everyone has made their guesses, compare and discuss your answers. Were you right? What did you learn about how you show love to each other?
- Reflect on how you can better show love to each family member in the way that resonates most with them.
This activity will help you understand your family members' needs, encourage deeper communication, and teach everyone how to express love in a way that feels most meaningful to them.
It’s a playful and insightful way to strengthen your connection and love each other more fully!
