New Year and Your Nervous System

Hello there! Happy 2025.

Let’s be honest: A new year doesn't make parenting any less of the rollercoaster ride that it is. Some days, it’s smooth sailing — happy children, you feeling all calm and connected. Other days? Well, let’s just be real, it's a ship lost at sea and everyone's in a panic about something. No matter the day you're having, there’s something that can make a huge difference and give you back a sense of control: understanding your nervous system.

If you're thinking, “Wait, what’s my nervous system got to do with parenting?” — trust me! Your nervous system plays a big role in how you respond to stress, how you react to your children (and the world around you), and how you can keep your cool when things get... well, a little wild.

I’ve wrote haiku that sums up your nervous system perfectly:

Scanning for safety,
Lighthouse shines when danger calls,
Anchor in the body.

A haiku aims to capture the essence of something much more complicated, so let’s break this down to understand  why the nervous system matters so much in our day-to-day parenting lives.

Scanning for Safety: The Nervous System's First Job

Your nervous system is designed to scan the environment for signs of safety and danger. It's like an internal radar that constantly assesses whether you're in a safe or threatening situation. It’s constantly asking: Is everything okay? Is there danger? Should I react? And when something feels off, your body reacts. This is part of our natural survival instinct, rooted deep within our biology, and it's always active — whether we're consciously aware of it or not.

When things feel overwhelming — a tantrum in the grocery store, a chaotic morning trying to get everyone out the door, or a difficult conversation with your partner — your body’s nervous system is likely on high alert. The heart races, your muscles tense, your thoughts become frantic. This is your body’s way of scanning for danger, triggering the “fight-or-flight” response.

Here’s the thing: sometimes, that reaction doesn’t even match the situation. You might feel your body reacting as if there’s a real, physical threat (like a bear chasing you!) when really, it’s just a stressful moment. The key is understanding these responses so you don’t get swept away in the emotional flood.

"The nervous system and the automatic machine are fundamentally alike in that they are devices, which make decisions on the basis of decisions they made in the past.."  - Norbert Wiener

The Lighthouse: A Signal for Danger

Your nervous system is like a lighthouse, always keeping watch for danger. When something feels unsafe (even if it’s just a stressful moment), your body sends out alarms: faster heartbeat, shallow breathing, tense muscles.

These signals are like bright warning lights telling you, “Hey, pay attention! Something’s going on!”

The trick is to remember: not every signal is a real danger. Sometimes, it’s just your body’s way of reacting to stress. But by tuning in, you can figure out when to take a deep breath and when to act, instead of letting panic take over.

"Is the beam from a lighthouse affected by howling wind and rain? It remains perfectly steadfast and unaffected by the storm. Your true self is like that. Nothing can ever harm you once you are consciously aware that it is so."  - Vernon Howard

Anchor in the Body: Finding Calm in the Chaos

When life feels like it’s spinning out of control, it’s time to “anchor” yourself. Imagine you’re a ship in a storm and you need to drop anchor to stop from being tossed around. That anchor is your body. It’s the key to finding calm when everything around you feels chaotic.

Here are a few ways to “anchor” yourself when the storm of parenting starts to hit:

• Breathe: It’s simple but powerful. Slow, deep breaths can help calm the nervous system and bring you back to the present. Try breathing in for four counts, holding for four, then exhaling for four. Repeat a few times, and you’ll notice your body relaxing.
• Check-in with Your Body: Where’s the tension? Shoulders? Jaw? Belly? Take a moment to relax those muscles and breathe into them. This helps reset your nervous system and brings you back to a more peaceful state.
• Ground Yourself: Feel your feet on the floor, or press your hands together. It sounds small, but physical grounding can remind you that you’re here, safe, and in control.
• Mindfulness: Notice what’s around you — the smell of coffee brewing, the feel of a soft blanket, or the sound of your child’s giggle. Engaging your senses pulls you out of your head and into the present moment.

My personal favourite is Look at the sky or horizon, by turning your vision to a wide open space, you make space inside of you. 

"Slow breathing is like an anchor in the midst of an emotional storm: the anchor won't make the storm go away but it will hold you steady until it passes."  - Russ Harris

Listening to Your Environment's Cues

Your nervous system isn’t just picking up your internal cues — it’s also influenced by your environment. Your children pick up on your energy too, especially if they're young! So, if you’re feeling stressed, they can feel that too, and their reactions might match yours.

Here’s where it gets fun: by tuning into your environment and making little adjustments, you can help everyone (including yourself!) feel more grounded.

• Create a Routine: Children love (and need) predictability. A routine signals to their nervous systems that they’re safe and know what’s coming next. And it can do the same for you! Knowing what’s ahead can help reduce stress and create smoother transitions throughout the day. Calendars, Visual planners and Checklists can be fun family projects.
• Calm Spaces: Make a space in your home that’s dedicated to quiet time — a cozy reading nook, a calm corner for stretching, or a place where you can close your eyes for a minute. This physical space can help reset your nervous system when you need it most. If it's in nature even better - so step out into your garden or go to a local park.
• Use Your Body to Signal Calm: If your children are revved up, get low and go slow. Use a softer voice, slower movements, and open body language. Your calm energy will help them tune into the vibe you’re setting.

"Regulation of the nervous system is an act of self-compassion that reverberates through every area of our lives." - Diane Poole Heller

Parenting from a Place of Awareness

At the end of the day, parenting is about connection. And to connect with your kids, you need to be able to connect with yourself first. By understanding how your nervous system works — and how it reacts to stress — you can take control of those moments when you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or frustrated.

Remember, your nervous system is always scanning for safety. So when you feel the storm brewing, take a moment to check in with your body. Breathe. Ground yourself. Tune into the cues around you. And remember, it’s okay if things don’t always feel “perfect.”

Parenting is a journey, and you’ve got the tools to find calm amidst the chaos.

You’re doing great.

Keep scanning for safety, listening to your body, and anchoring yourself in the present. Your nervous system will thank you — and so will your kids. 😊

"Only when we are in a calm physiological state can we convey  cues of safety to another." - Stephen W. Porges