Meeting My Ego: A Surreal and Surprising Encounter

Two Chairs, Two Voices

It all began with an invitation during a retreat to explore the duality within me. The facilitator set up two empty chairs side by side—a simple yet profound setup for a dialogue that would change my perspective. I took my seat in one and took a deep breath.

“Who are you?” he asked aloud.

“I am kind, compassionate, and confident,” I responded, feeling a warmth spread across my face as I heard my own voice proclaim these truths. This voice painted a picture of who I truly felt I was—a genuine reflection of my Divine self.

Then, the facilitator asked me to stand up and move to the other chair. I shifted my weight and settled into the second seat.

“And who are you?” he prompted again.

Without hesitation, my voice emerged, but it sounded different this time.

“I am indecisive, selfish, irresponsible, and spontaneous. I don’t know what I want, yet I want it all. I’m lazy and prone to procrastination. I can be cold towards others. I prefer solitude. I lack discipline. I have great ideas but let them go to waste. I start projects but don’t finish them…”

The facilitator interrupted me gently, noticing I wasn’t breathing or pausing.

“This is the voice of your ego,” he explained, helping me see the truth in my words.

As my ego took the spotlight, I felt the discomfort of the chair beneath me—a stark contrast to the soft cushion of my Divine self’s seat.

I sat in silence for a moment, processing this newfound awareness.

“My ego likes playing games with me,” I finally shared with the facilitator.

“It lets me get close to my goals or dreams and then pounces in front of me with all the doubts and insecurities it has stored.”

“So, your ego is holding the stick with the dangling carrot?” he asked.

“Yes!!!” I exclaimed, realisation flooding over me.

WOAH!!!

In that moment, I truly met my ego. I heard its voice and witnessed its trickery in my life. The understanding hit me: my ego wasn’t just a shadow lurking in the background; it was a vibrant part of my psyche, desperate for attention, validation, and perhaps even love. This surreal encounter opened the door to a deeper exploration of self, leading me on a path toward embracing both my divine essence and the extent of my ego's presence.

"The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it." Carl Jung

On My Own, but Not Really…

The journey didn’t end at the retreat. A week later, my family and I came together for reunion holiday, a time for us to reconnect in ways that we have not been able to since we immigrated to Australia. It was during these familiar and fun days of being together again that I began to notice my ego trying to take the wheel in the most mundane situations.

As we gathered to plan our daily activities, I could feel the frantic tug of my ego, eager to assert itself. “I’ve got it all planned! I’ve done the research and I know where we’re going.” it urged, attempting to dominate the conversation before it even began.

It was as if my ego was trying to live up to an expectation and reputation that it had created itself, without consulting the Divine in me.

In those moments, I took a step back and willed myself to get curious.

“Why does this matter so much?” I asked myself.

The pressure to create the perfect holiday experience wasn’t coming from my true self; it was my ego wanting to shine, to showcase how “fun” and “organised” I could be.

At dinner, the encounter continued. As my family discussed where to eat, I felt my ego rising again.

“I just read about this amazing spot!” it shouted, determined to secure a moment of validation from others. But as I tuned into that inner voice, I realised it wasn’t about the food or the location; it was about the experience itself, about being together and savouring simple pleasures.

By pausing and reflecting, I could differentiate between the desires of my ego and the genuine wishes of my heart. Instead of allowing my ego to drive our decisions, I embraced a more balanced approach.

“How about we try whatever calls to us on the main road?” I suggested, feeling lighter and more connected to my family.

These little encounters became powerful reminders of my evolving relationship with my ego. Rather than battling it, I learned to acknowledge its presence, understanding that it was still a part of me but didn’t have to be in the driver’s seat of my life.

Each decision, whether big or small, became an opportunity for me to practice a powerful pause, grounding myself in the joy of simply being, and trusting. As our holiday unfolded, I noticed more instances where my ego would rear its head. It became a game of recognition — noticing when it wanted the spotlight versus when my true self simply was present and connected.

I began to understand and then accept that this journey was about integration, about learning to coexist with my ego while prioritising the Divine in me.

"The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly no longer the ego, but just an old, conditioned mind-pattern." Ekhart Tolle

I See You, OK!

Another week passed, and I was still on holiday in Bali, this time on a solo retreat. My Ego and Divine were with me, of course.

It was becoming easier to distinguish between my ego and my Divine self, so I relaxed into wandering the streets of Ubud and window shopping.

But my ego wouldn’t even let me enjoy that without making its presence known.

My eye was drawn to a cute, bluish-green monster at the bottom of a staircase leading into a gallery. Curious and with time to spare, I ventured in to see what was on display.

A friendly Balinese man was sweeping the floor of a brightly lit room filled with interesting art pieces, a coffee shop, and then… The Ego Shop.

You have got to be joking!

The green monster belonged to The Ego Shop. Naturally, I had to see what they had for sale. In true egoic fashion, this shop stocked a range of random goods that made NO SENSE whatsoever: T-shirts with strange pictures or words, notebooks that were half in English and half in Indonesian, and pieces of jewellery alongside hand-sized sculptures of smiling heads. I couldn’t help but laugh, noticing how my own ego was urging me to buy something.

Ego exposed! It often makes no sense, even when it tries to present itself as legitimate or normal.

“I See You, OK!” I said, embracing the realisation that this part of me was both a friend and a foe. It served to protect me, yet it also created barriers in my relationships.

I decided to play with my ego, treating it like an old friend instead of an enemy to vanquish.

“How about we have a cup of tea?” I imagined saying.

This was no ordinary tea time; it was an opportunity for me to show my ego who was the captain of this ship.

I offered it a cup of tea, let it have its say internally, and then invited it to sit back, relax, and let me connect with my Divinity.

In this playful interchange, I found balance. I could appreciate my ego’s drive for success without letting it dictate my direction.

It became a dance of consciousness—a blend of ambition and humility, confidence and vulnerability.

What does this have to do with parenting?

I named my business Go Beyond Parenthood because my journey through parent education revealed that most of my learning transcended traditional parenting advice. It took me deep into my personal past—exploring my patterns, perspectives, pain, and potential.

The ego is born from our earliest experiences, shaped by the narratives we were told and eventually tell ourselves.

When left unchecked, it can overshadow the authentic, Divine part of us.

As parents, we carry the immense responsibility of raising securely attached children who can navigate an increasingly insecure world.

It’s all too easy to let our egos take the lead, guiding our decisions based on fear, comparison, and the need for validation.

By understanding and managing our egos, we not only foster our own growth but also create a nurturing environment for our children.

They learn from our actions and responses, absorbing lessons about self-acceptance, resilience, and emotional intelligence.

If you’re ready to explore how your own relationship with your ego impacts your parenting, I invite you to sign up for The Transformational Parenting Program with me. Together, we can uncover the patterns that shape your life and develop tools for mindful parenting. Let’s create a supportive space where you can embrace your authentic self while guiding your children to do the same.

Last sip of self-reflection

Meeting my ego was just the beginning of a deeper journey within. It taught me that self-awareness is key to growth, and that embracing every part of myself—flaws and all—was the real path to authenticity. By acknowledging my ego as a companion rather than an adversary, I’ve learned to navigate life with greater self-compassion and understanding.

Each encounter with my ego has become an opportunity for reflection, reminding me to pause and connect with my true self.

In this delicate dance, I’ve discovered the beauty of integration—learning to coexist with my ego while prioritising the Divine essence within me.

"Three things differentiate living from the soul versus living from the ego only: the ability to sense and learn new ways, the tenacity to ride a rough road, and the patience to learn deep love over time." Clarissa Pinkola Estes