Permission to Parent

In a group of 16 parents, 15 other heads nodded in agreement as this dad shared his greatest takeaways from our fifth session together discussing Nervous System Science. 

As a facilitator of The Transformational Parenting Process, my heart swelled with joy for the newfound freedom this parent found within himself. My mind was hyper focused on the word he used to get to this freedom: PERMISSION. My hands were itching to get researching and writing on this subject to make sense of it. 

According to the online etymology dictionary, Permission is the act of allowing. 

As a noun, the word permission is NAMING the thing that we are allowing ourselves to be done with, to let go of, to give up or hand over. In seeking permission, we're effectively seeking safety to let go of what is keeping us from doing what we would like to do, being who we want to be or saying what we need to say. 

Isn't it fascinating to think that as parents, we are still seeking permission to parent in a way we want to? Permission to raise our children in a way that feels aligned to our personal values, a way that feels good and right in our bodies and brains.

It makes sense when you really think about it.

Parents are seeking permission in the sea of societal expectations, cultural conditioning, professional prescriptions and, in the streams of endless information coming from books, blogs, podcasts, webinars and courses. 

What they're really seeking is safety, assurance, and validation that they're on the right path. 

It's as though as parents, we haven’t outgrown the inner child who was conditioned to ask for permission from parents, teachers, grandparents, peers, and every other authority figure in our lives. As children, we received the messaging that we didn't know what was good for us, that our parents or teachers were in charge and called all the shots. 

'As long as you live under my roof, you will do as I say!' 

'Listen to your teacher!'

'Who gave you permission to go to that party!?'

Finding ourselves standing in the shoes of being a parent with what is most likely the greatest responsibility of our lives - raising and guiding another human being into maturity - we are still looking to our parents, teachers, experts, doctors, friends with older children, books, podcasts, parenting courses and therapists for PERMISSION to parent the right way. 

What is the right way I wonder?

This dad answered the question for me. 

The right way is the way you want to parent. 

Instead of:

- Always questioning whether you're doing it right.

- Feeling hopeless for not being the 'perfect' parent.

- Feeling lost and confused about everything you're experiencing as new parent. 

- Frustrated by a child you just don't understand.

- Thinking there's something wrong with you, your child or your family.

What if: 

- You learned about yourself in way that helped you make sense of you?

- You learned about attachment, brain and nervous system science in a way that helped you understand yourself and your child's development better? 

- You consciously set an intention for the parent you want to be for your children?

- You learned practical strategies to challenging situations in parenting? Strategies you adapt to your unique child and situation.

- You could confidently connect with your child?

I'll let the dad who inspired this deep dive into the question of permission give you the answer.

"I loved learning about nervous system science because I felt like it was a 'name it and tame it' moment for me. Understanding how behaviors are a form of communication has shifted my entire view of my world at home. Now only 5 weeks into this process, parenting is more joyful and less stressful."

Is it within the realm of possibility for you to give yourself permission to parent the way you want to?

I believe it is.

"When we have begun to take charge of our lives, to own ourselves, there is no longer any need to ask permission of someone." - Nina O'Neill & George O'Neill

Are you ready to take charge of your life? Ready to own your parenting style with confidence, creativity and curiosity?

Book your free discovery call with me today! You need only grant yourself permission to take the next step.